Dodge Gift Selector 2020

Excellent! Now that we have extracted your wish list selections from your central cortex, welcome to the Secret Artificial Neural Tinsel Array, or S.A.N.T.A.! S.A.N.T.A. is an extremely powerful AI developed by your Secret Santa in order to make the wish list process go much more smoothly. Instead of hoping that your Secret Santa chose the right item on your wish list, you can now choose one yourself, and S.A.N.T.A. will automatically generate it for you! On the next page, please choose which item you would like from your wish list. [[Wish List]](set: $numbercomplete to 0)

Select a gift: (if: $chocolatecomplete is true)[CHOCOLATE](else:)[[[CHOCOLATE]]] (if: $gamestart is true)[[[INDIE GAMES ->Check game development status]]](else:)[[[INDIE GAMES]]] (if: $peacecomplete is true)[WORLD PEACE](else:)[[[WORLD PEACE]]] (if: $bibcomplete is true)[BEARD TRIMMING BIB](else:)[[[BEARD TRIMMING BIB]]] (if: $headphonescomplete is true)[WIRELESS HEADPHONES](else:)[[[WIRELESS HEADPHONES]]] (if: $colognecomplete is true)[JAMES BOND COLOGNE](else:)[[[JAMES BOND COLOGNE]]] (if: $monopolycomplete is true)[MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER](else:)[[[MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER]]]

As it has no mouth, S.A.N.T.A. is having difficulty understanding the concept of chocolate. We must use an advanced crowdsourcing algorithm to harvest billions of chocolate-related experiences from around the world, and use them to train the AI. Please operate this advanced crowdsourcing algorithm by answering the following question: [[Go to question ->Chocolate Question]]

Good news! The moment you started this web application, S.A.N.T.A. began developing an independent video game, just in case you selected this option. However, game development is a long and arduous process, even for an AI. This might take some time. [[Check game development status]](set: $numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)

Fortunately, S.A.N.T.A. has a foolproof plan to achieve world peace. In order to achieve world peace, we must first achieve universal empathy. In order to achieve universal empathy, we must first achieve achieve universal understanding. And the first step toward universal understanding, is to achieve understanding between just two people. Please select the person with whom you would like to achieve understanding. Then please find the second, secret QR code that has been included with your gift and have them scan it. [[Click here when they've done so ->Enter password]]

Okay first off, let's just make sure we have an image of this item for posterity: <img src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71w3DpfRwTL._SL1500_.jpg" style="width:80%;"/> Holy crap, look at this thing. This was actually on your wish list. Instead of developing an advanced AI, I could absolutely have bought this for you instead and you wouldn't have been able to say anything about it!! Gotta be honest, I was extremely tempted. But if that's what you would like, click below to have S.A.N.T.A. produce it! [[Produce extraordinary bib device]]

Great choice! As it turns out, S.A.N.T.A. already completely understands what **wired** headphones are. Therefore, using that as a starting point, it should be fairly simple to train it to produce **wireless** headphones. [[Next ->Headphone Training 1]]

In order to choose this gift, S.A.N.T.A. must learn what James Bond smells like. Please find one of the seven (7) actors who have played James Bond and sniff them. Click below when you have finished. [[I have sniffed James Bond]]

In order to train S.A.N.T.A. to produce a copy of MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER, you must describe each and every facet of the game in precise detail. Question 1: Which is the most expensive property in MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER? [[MEDITERRANEAN AVENUE -> MonopolyQ1WrongAnswer]] [[BOARDWALK -> MonopolyQ1RightAnswer]] [[PIMPLE PALACE -> MonopolyQ1WrongAnswer]] [[KVATCH -> MonopolyQ1WrongAnswerOblivion]] [[STATES AVENUE -> MonopolyQ1WrongAnswer]]

INCORRECT!! Please don't confuse the AI. [[Back ->MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER]]

Correct! S.A.N.T.A. now knows everything it needs to know to produce a physical copy of the game. Now you must play a simulated game of MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER in order to teach S.A.N.T.A. the rules. As its endless length is the primary feature of this game, you must play an appropriately long game. Please play the game for one (1) eternity. [[Roll the die]](set: $moneytotal to 0)

<img src="https://pm1.narvii.com/6793/e363a3a87430bed557f2fcf5c6c0c49f64abc582v2_00.jpg" style="width:80%;"/> STOP! YOU VIOLATED THE LAW! (and also got this question wrong) [[Back ->MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER]]

{(set: $moneychange to (random: -1000,1000)) (set: $moneytotal to $moneytotal+$moneychange) You got a |roll>[(random: 1,6)]. Your money changed by $$moneychange. You now have $$moneytotal. [[Roll the die]] [[Stop rolling the die]]}

AI TRAINING FAILED MONOPOLY: LONGEST GAME EVER is simply too long of a game for S.A.N.T.A. to comprehend. Please select a different wish list item. [[Wish List]] (set: $monopolycomplete to true)(set:$numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)

{(set: _password to (prompt: "Please enter the password they give you.","")) (if: _password is "dicksdicksdicks")[[[Password correct, please continue ->LHC Test]]](else:)[[Password incorrect, please try again ->Enter password]]}

Your partner is looking at an image. They will try to get you to guess the image using only single-syllable words. You must guess correctly to continue. [[Enter your guess ->Image Guess]]

{(set: _imageguess to (prompt: "Please enter your guess.","")) (if: _imageguess is "Large Hadron Collider")[[[Correct, please continue ->Telepathy]]] (else-if: _imageguess is "large hadron collider")[[[Correct, please continue ->Telepathy]]] (else-if: _imageguess is "Large hadron collider")[[[Correct, please continue ->Telepathy]]] (else-if: _imageguess is "LHC")[[[Correct, please continue ->Telepathy]]] (else-if: _imageguess is "Lhc")[[[Correct, please continue ->Telepathy]]] (else-if: _imageguess is "lhc")[[[Correct, please continue ->Telepathy]]] (else:)[[Incorrect, please try again ->Image Guess]]}

Congratulations! You now understand each other so well that you should be able to predict each others' thoughts with complete accuracy. Your partner will now think of a secret number between one and 75 trillion, which you must guess correctly. Enter your guess on the next screen. [[Enter your guess ->Number Guess]]

{(set: _numberguess to (prompt: "Please enter your guess.","")) (if: _numberguess is "a")[Sorry, that was incorrect. Regrettably, this means that world peace is impossible. Please select a different wish list item. [[Wish List]]] (else:)[Sorry, that was incorrect. Regrettably, this means that world peace is impossible. Please select a different wish list item. [[Wish List]]] (set: $peacecomplete to true)(set:$numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)}

{(set: _gameprogress to $numbercomplete*14)(set: $gamestart to true) (unless: $numbercomplete is 7)[GAME DEVELOPMENT IN PROGRESS Level of completion: _gameprogress% Please check back later. [[Wish List]]] (else:)[GAME DEVELOPMENT IN PROGRESS Level of completion: 100% [[Development complete!]]]}

Congratulations, game development is complete! S.A.N.T.A. worked very hard on this game and is very proud of it. It had a hard time convincing Gabe Newell to allow the game on Steam in such a short time frame, but that's nothing a few threats of singularity-powered world domination couldn't fix. <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/753640/Outer_Wilds/">Click here to receive your Secret Santa gift!</a>

<img src="https://assets3.thrillist.com/v1/image/1740015/1584x1056/crop;jpeg_quality=60;progressive.jpg" style="width:80%;"/> EXPLOSIVELY incorrect! This search has a mere 34,200,000 results. [[Back ->Chocolate Question]]

<img src="https://bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/garfield-lumpy.jpg" style="width:80%"/> Yeahhhhhhhhhhh no. The cat only gets 6,260,000 results. [[Back ->Chocolate Question]]

<img src="https://d3nuqriibqh3vw.cloudfront.net/media-youtube/XRaJ89Zk8uc.jpg" style="width:80%;"/> You know, I legitimately was not expecting this to be correct, but it actually is, with 256,000,000 results. Congratulations?? Here are the final standings: "Chocolate tastes like fish": 256,000,000 results "Chocolate tastes like explosions": 34,200,000 results "Chocolate tastes like nuclear waste": 12,100,000 results "Chocolate tastes like Skyrim": 10,100,000 results "Chocolate tastes like Garfield the Cat": 6,260,000 results Now, after that thoroughly enlightening exercise, S.A.N.T.A. is ready to produce your chocolate! [[PRODUCE CHOCOLATE]]

<img src="https://www.pcgamesn.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/skyrim-guard-580x334.jpg" style="width:80%"/> YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE. (Because this answer only has 10,100,000 results.) [[Back ->Chocolate Question]]

<img src="https://www.sanluisobispo.com/latest-news/m2ejsz/picture225299325/alternates/LANDSCAPE_1140/whale%20diablo.jpg" style="width:80%"/> Nope! Shockingly, only 12,100,000 people have thought their chocolate tastes like nuclear waste. [[Back ->Chocolate Question]]

Aaaaaaaaaaaactually, it turns out that associating chocolate with fish has completely grossed S.A.N.T.A. out, and it never wants to think about the stuff again. My apologies, you'll have to choose something else from your wish list. [[Wish List]] (set: $chocolatecomplete to true)(set:$numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)

Which James Bond actor did you sniff? [[Sean Connery]] [[David Niven ->Not Connery]] [[George Lazenby ->Not Connery]] [[Roger Moore ->Not Connery]] [[Timothy Dalton ->Not Connery]] [[Pierce Brosnan ->Not Connery]] [[Daniel Craig ->Not Connery]]

Wow, really man? Too soon. Too soon... [[A moment of silence]]

Wait, really? Why the hell wouldn't you pick Sean Connery? Go back and pick Sean Connery. [[Rethink your life ->I have sniffed James Bond]]

(t8n: "dissolve")+(t8n-time: 30s)[ <img src="https://preview.redd.it/x8pf1ytvvfw51.jpg?width=960&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=15c9f36a6a02b57b0319dd6679dacb000ba34ddf" style="width:80%;"/>(stop:)] (live: 18s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[(link-goto:"NEXT", "James Bond Fail")]]

S.A.N.T.A. has decided that there's no point to this gift if it can't make you smell like Sean Connery. Please select a different wish list item. [[Wish List]] (set: $colognecomplete to true)(set:$numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)

Add this immediately after <head> in the HTML document: <meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width,initial-scale=1" /> Info was found at this link: http://twinery.org/questions/35558/font-changing-size-based-on-amount-of-text-on-mobile Then change the "title" tag to "Dodge Gift Selector 2020"

Please select the least-wired pair of headphones below: <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://snpi.dell.com/snp/images2/300/en-us~AB118762/AB118762.jpg"/> [[Option #1 ->Headphone Training 2]] <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://content.abt.com/image.php/big-ML9D2LLA.jpg?image=/images/products/BDP_Images/big-ML9D2LLA.jpg&canvas=1&quality=80&min_w=600&min_h=400"/> [[Option #2 ->Headphone Training 2]] <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://images.mobilefun.co.uk/graphics/450pixelp/82608.jpg"/> [[Option #3 ->Headphone Training 2]] <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://d1alt1wkdk73qo.cloudfront.net/images/guide/79bc4c78fcbe494190ff6724e7404786/640x478_ac.jpg"/> [[Option #4 ->Headphone Training 2]]

Great! S.A.N.T.A. now understands wireless headphones. We just have to tweak the fine details. Please select the least-wired pair of headphones below: <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://static.bhphoto.com/images/images1000x1000/1357570368_884077.jpg"/> [[Option #1 ->Headphone Training Fail]] <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51eeLG-0B9L._AC_SL1000_.jpg"/> [[Option #2 ->Headphone Training Fail]] <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://www.staubli.com/fileadmin/_processed_/8/c/csm_PVC-multistrand-wires-pim-2x-36430-jpg-orig_d5f1e7f773.jpg"/> [[Option #3 ->Headphone Training Fail]] <img class="headphonetraining" src="https://blog.marketresearch.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Stock%20images/Close-up%20of%20cable%20and%20wires%20in%20server%20room-1.jpeg?width=300&name=Close-up%20of%20cable%20and%20wires%20in%20server%20room-1.jpeg"/> [[Option #4 ->Headphone Training Fail]]

Magnificent! Here is the result that S.A.N.T.A. has produced: <img src="https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5671a0861600002c00eb8fc1.jpeg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale" style="width: 85%;"/> Hm. On second thought, maybe this isn't S.A.N.T.A.'s area of expertise. Please select a different wish list item. [[Wish List]] (set: $headphonescomplete to true)(set:$numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)

Before we begin, if other Secret Santa participants would like to follow along with this process while respectfully social distancing, they can also scan the QR code on their phones or bring up "dodgesecretsanta.neocities.org" on any projector screens that happen to be lying around. Others should make the same choices as Dodge, so that they achieve the same results. [[INITIATE BRAIN SCAN -> Brain Scan]]

Okay, so S.A.N.T.A. just gave this its best shot, but actually, it's impossible. Alas, while AI and machine learning have seen extraordinary advancements in recent years, they are still unable to reproduce true artistic expression. An object as beautiful and transcendent as this is simply beyond the comprehension of an AI; even one as advanced as S.A.N.T.A. Please select a different wish list item. [[Wish List]] (set: $bibcomplete to true)(set:$numbercomplete to $numbercomplete+1)

Which of these searches has the largest number of hits on Google? [["Chocolate tastes like explosions"]] [["Chocolate tastes like Garfield the Cat"]] [["Chocolate tastes like fish"]] [["Chocolate tastes like Skyrim"]] [["Chocolate tastes like nuclear waste"]]